I got so angry with myself the other day when I totally lost my shit at the sight of cockroaches in the kitchen. How weak am i that i could let vermin have so much power over me & who am I to get so offended & disabled by cockroaches?
More entitlement came up when the water went out & instead of the government providing us with access to more water as my entitled self expects, we had to arrange a truck to go get some from the local water plant.
It all got me thinking about how the things that set me off are often things I feel entitled to, things that I just made up in my head about what I deserve & how I should be treated. Don't get me wrong, things like clean water & food are absolutely God given universal human rights. But to think that I am entitled to constant & permanent access to these things, or that they will be handed over to me on a silver platter is delusional & the source of great trauma, suffering & disappointment.
Entitlement is responsible for a lot of shadow reactivity. It is where our limiting beliefs are, where our triggers will be & how we create patterns & relationships. So understanding what we feel entitled to is an excellent way of looking whats inside our heart, why we react the way we do & who & what we think of ourselves & God.
My intention with this list is to correlate my triggers, shadows & patterns to my related limiting beliefs of entitlement. So for example, instead of Iosing myself over a cockroach, the next time I see one i will call my energy back in for interrogation & questioning. I'll force myself to sit with the uncomfortable truth that I have a shadow belief that I'm way too good to see such abominable creatures or for them to be in my space. And trust that I have similar feelings about lots of people too. I'm so freaking entitled.
My intention this Ramadan is to purify my heart, mind & body of such delusions, shadows, judgments & beliefs. But in order to purify ourselves we have to be able to see the filth that contaminates our souls first. We have to first sit with the cockroaches mirrored in the dark recesses of our souls in order to let the Light of Source in so that our cockroach entitlement vanishes.