My best friend who grew up in the Lebanese Civil War thinks that my survivor's guilt is stronger than hers. I think she's right & this guilt has been a major if not perhaps the biggest energetic block for me. How can I achieve my highest purpose, potential & abundance when I feel guilty just for surviving & being safe and many of my family are not. You see, I've had a life of great privilege & opportunity al7 but a lot of my extended family & ancestors don't.
Why so much guilt for surviving? Well, the SWANA region is perhaps the most colonized area of the world, as Libya & Egypt have been perpetually colonized for the last 2000 years. My paternal grandparents were survivors of one of the first genocides of the 20th century. And unlike my living Libyan family (of which there are over 200 members) who have not seen a day of freedom in the span of my lifetime as they have either lived under dictatorship or civil war in the last 50 years, I have only seen days of freedom as I immigrated to Turtle Island (aka USA) as an infant. The idea that I have been spared not only violence but a lifetime of difficulty, erasure & lack resulted in this immense sense of guilt i have carried in my subconscious my whole life.
From this guilt, I have constructed beliefs like "i don't deserve anything more", "I shouldn't have any needs." "I am ungrateful if I want or need something else." And the self-sabotaging list goes on. I've also made vows to shrink myself & my potential out of fear of disrespecting my ancestor's living & past struggles. [I am using ancestors here to represent my biological lineage, both living & past members.] The guilt became my subconscious way of keeping me bonded to my ancestors and to honor their pain & suffering. But it is a bond based on trauma & is therefore inauthentic & toxic, & a form of psychic colonization.
What has this guilt and all its programs done for me & my ancestors? Absolutely nothing but cement the victim template into our timelines, dynamics & subconscious patterns & imprints. Among many other things, I have identified a direct block to prosperity resulting from this guilt-- if I believe I can only have what I need because more would be greedy & ungrateful than I will be given just the basics to survive & nothing more. And how does limiting my abundance serve me or my ancestors & communities? It doesn't, it simply locks us into victim paradigms & expectations. If I continue managing my life & my soul from the perspective that I am a spared victim from a family of not spared victims, then I am requesting from the universe to also organize and respond to us as such.
By releasing the guilt of surviving atrocities either those experienced directly or vicariously through our ancestors, we not only free ourselves from victimhood & victim dynamics but we also free our ancestors, both our living and passed relatives.This is not an easy task by any means, i have known of this energetic block & limiting belief system for years and i am still working on transmuting the guilt & grief around it & around my ancestors experiences. But the first step is to give yourself permission to stop feeling guilty for surviving & for wanting to thrive. Your Creator put you here for a reason & will support you to thrive in fulfilling that purpose. This is your permission slip to transmute and release any guilt that blocks you from stepping into your divine potential and cosmic purpose.
What about you, do you have any survivor's guilt and how has it blocked you?